Dragon Ball GT: I Was There
by Starr Bryte
Summary: What went on in 18's head as she was forced to kill her twin brother. A retelling GT episodes 17x2 and The Greatest Surprise


_**Note: A different outcome to the fight between 18 and Super17. Angst. 18 POV. Had to have seen Dragon Ball GT: 17x2 and The Greatest Surprise.**_

_**Dragonball GT: I was there**_

The pain in my body almost rivals that of the pain in my heart. Oh, Kuririn... How I regret all those times I took you for granted. How I now rue that I never got to tell you how much I love you. Never even got to say good-bye. You were dead before you even hit the ground. A five inch hole through your heart. A heart that never seemed to run out of love. And Marron... Our beautiful daughter. The pain your death must have caused her. Her plaintive cry still echoes in my ears. Where she is now I don't know. She could be anywhere. She could be dead... No Juuhachigou! Don't think of such things! She's alive! I know it. Somewhere all alone, mourning her father and praying that her mother is somewhere. Out there. Alive and searching for her as well. I remember the day Marron was born. Thirteen hours in a sterile hospital room. Son Chichi on one side, you on the other. Chichi was like an aunt. The aunt I never had. She coached me through everything. She even coached you. I'll bet it kept you from either passing out or going crazy. She was so insistent. The look in your eyes as you held my hand and kissed my knuckles was so complex, but each and every emotion I knew by heart. Hope. Fear. Determination. Joy. And a deep, possessive love. A love that I had only known through my Twin. My Juunanagou. The pain in my heart deepens. An agony that will never cease. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS MY BROTHER! You were my twin. We knew each others thoughts and feelings. We were best friends even though you insisted on doing the strangest things. But I humored you because you were my brother and I loved you. I could forgive almost anything. But this... Why? Have all those years in HFIL really changed you so much? I thought the purpose of HFIL was to make you aware of your wrongs so that you could repent. So that you could have a second chance at reaching the Upper Worlds. But there is something wrong. You are not the brother I used to know. Something has happened to you. Something is keeping you locked inside. You loathed Dr. Gero. He was the one who made us who we are. Androids. We can barely remember the lives we once led as humans. I can remember a little. Can you? Being bounced on a woman's knee. Peppermint sticks from the candy store. Little things. Random things. A bright yellow school bus. Slumber parties. A high school. A boyfriend whose face I cannot see. A girlfriend with red hair. Things that escape my grasp when I try to remember. But that was before the change. Our memories were supposedly wiped out. That was then. This is now. I must find you brother. I must find you. So that I can have vengeance for my husband's murder. So that I can rescue my daughter. Save the world. Save you. I will save you brother. I will save you from yourself. How I hurt! How can I face you without falling apart? Your beautiful face that was always laughing at some joke you heard. You always knew how to make me smile. Even though I cannot remember much about our childhood, I do remember you. You were always there for me. Even as teenagers we slept in the same room. On the same bed. We felt safe when we were together. And you were always so protective. Even before the change. Even after the change. If a guy even looked at me cross-eyed you were in his face. It was annoying in some ways. But then again I was the same way when a girl even glanced in your direction. But now I see you. You've changed so completely I barely recognize you. But I know what I must do. Son Goku is one of our last hopes. He accepted me immediately without pause. Goku must live even if I must die. Maybe it's better to die. Then at least I'll be with my beloved. But where would that leave Marron? The daughter we bore and raised together. No. I cannot leave her. Marron needs me. She needs her mother the most now and I will never abandon my own. Just as I have never abandoned you. I'll never abandon you. Now I give what has to be one of the greatest bluffs of all time. You never even see through them. How blind you have become! I take advantage of your ignorance.

"Fine! Kill me then, but you know full well that I have a bomb in my chest!" Ha. That's a good one. My beloved had that bomb removed years ago by Shen Long, just before we were married. I taunt you and rip open my shirt, exposing my breast to the cold air. I feel no shame. You've seen me naked enough times in our youth. My heart beats so rapidly.

"C'mon! What are you waiting for Juunanagou? Go ahead! Kill me and Goku. If you kill me I swear I'll drag you down too!" So I can save you. The look on your face is painful to see. So twisted in pain and confusion. I'm sorry if they hurt you brother. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I feel my nipple tighten in the cold air. I remember the way Kuririn would caress me as we lay together in bed. I was a work of art. His treasure. I remember Marron nursing from me as a baby. The remembered feelings makes me content and more than a little sad as I fight back tears.

"You're half the person you once were!" I cry.

"How do you figure that Juuhachigou?" You mock, "I'm twice as strong now!" My voice fills with disappointment.

"Strength is one thing, but character is another. Even when we hunted Goku, you never took joy in killing the innocent." Like the way you killed my husband. My Kuririn. The Happiest Man In The World. Like the way you attempted to slaughter my daughter. Your niece! The child whose a mirror image, a carbon copy, of the woman who loved and cared for you. Your sister! Your TWIN sister! I appeal to you. I struggle to get you to remember. You were so strong. So independent. You were the only one with the courage to kill Dr. Gero the first time. Not anyone else. You. Not leaning on anyone nor asking for help. I looked up to you. I admired you. What's happened to you Juunanagou? Oh how my heart hurts as I taunt you.

"Go ahead Juunangou! Kill the only person who ever cared about you!" Goku warns me about going to far. Your heart and mind are a whirl of confusion and pain. Emotions flicker across your face. Deep in a corner of my soul, the part that connects all twins to each other, I hear you weep bitter tears at the monster you have become. Beyond the glow of your power your eyes, eyes just like mine, glitter with unshed tears. Myuu calls to you. But he makes a fatal mistake. No one controls Junanagou. No one. Not even your creator. You kill Dr. Myuu. That despicable man who had you kill Gero, although that was no loss to you, and controlled you. Made you even forget your own twin! I'm happy for you. But now you turn back to me. You say you are going to kill me now? I see straight through your lie brother. You move too slow on purpose. But you absorb my Ki blasts like my old, pink, heart shaped kitchen sponge absorbs water. But you shield on purpose. I can see you fighting brother. You're wide open and vulnerable, but I dare not attack with something stronger. Am I a coward? Maybe. I dare not stain my hands in your blood. The blood that makes up both of us. The blood we shared in the womb. But Goku knows what must be done. He punches an eight inch hole through your heart. Your scream makes me want to cover my ears. Again I hear the shattering sound in my mind. The sound of my heart breaking once again. What's this? You've split apart! Two Juunanagou's! But which one is real? You both fall to the ground. I feel desperate confusion fill my heart until I hear a long missed voice call out my name.

"Juuhachi... Twin..." My cry is that of a strangled person. I stumble to you and fall to my knees. A gather you up into my lap and hold you tightly against my shoulder. Because you are now more human than android your blood stains my shirt. Warm and sticky. Your breath on my neck is soft. I hear a horrible hiss. I turn and I see the other Juunanagou. He too has a hole though his heart. Yet still he reaches for me with a horrible grin. Even dying his wish to kill has become too strong. I'm frozen in fear. All I can do is hold you tighter to me, as if I could protect you. You grimace in fear.

"Kill it...!" You rasp, "Kill it...!" The sound of your voice makes me shudder. So much self-loathing and hatred. Then there is a flash of light and the other Juunanagou gives a horrible scream. Goku slowly stands up and dusts off his hands. He turns away and looks around, looking for danger. But in a way he is also giving us some privacy. I feel wetness on my shoulder. You are crying! No! Don't cry brother! When we were little I hated it when you cried. You made me feel so helpless. You reach up to touch my tears. You gives a choked laugh.

"So strange that we would end up like this once again." You murmur. Then you cough. I remember when you got sick, before the change. The fever and that harsh cough. I stayed up all night with you.

"I just wish things had turned out differently." I whisper, "I wish you could stay. I wish you could've been there. Marron would've really loved to have an uncle." Your head lolls to the side. No! I'm loosing you! Don't leave me! Don't go! You were the only one who truly understood me. I love you!

"I was there..." You murmur, "I'll always be there." The next words you say are confusing and would've been labeled as unbelievably corny. But your words embed themselves in my heart and helps ease the pain.

"You may not have seen me but I was there. I was the sunlight that warmed you that first morning after you and Kuririn were together. I was the wind that ruffled your wedding dress and the pealing of the bells was my happy laughter. Your daughter's first cry was my crow of triumph, I was so proud of you! But my point is... Death never really kept me from you. It never will. You're my sister and I love you. I'll always be there..." Your voice fades out for a moment. Fear fills my heart once again.

"NO! Juunana, don't leave me!" You reach up with a trembling hand to touch my tears. You touch my lips with your fingertips and I catch them in a kiss. Reaching up you yank off the red bandana you always wore around your neck. Your trademark. You press the torn and stained piece of cloth into my hands.

"I never will... No matter what happens I'll always be here..." I smile as I remember a line from a movie I once saw. The character was allot like me. A heartless machine who wished for emotions. That wish came true, but at a terrible price.

"And now I know I have a heart... Because it's breaking..." I smile shakily and press his hand to my heart. The ache is intense.

"Once I doubted our ability to have a heart... But then Kuririn came. And he told me something. A bit of advice that I'll share with you... 'Where there's a heartache, there must be a heart.' And now I know I have a heart... Because it's breaking..." You laugh even though it hurts and you start to tremble violently. Your death throes. I hold your body close.

"I love you Juuhachi... My twin... My sister..."

"I love you Juunana... My twin... My brother..." I can almost feel your spirit freeing itself from this mortal shell. But there are still so many things I don't understand. I weep as I hold the lifeless body of my twin. The one who knew me well. The one who knew me best. I let you go and incinerate your body with a single blast. I stand at the crater's rim with Goku as we both watch the water fill it up. The ashes of your body lie at the bottom. For dust we are and to dust must we return.

"How could he do it, Goku?" I whisper, "I'm his twin sister... How could he kill my husband like that?" Goku pauses to think before he speaks. He has changed over the years. But in small ways so that you would not see it at first glance. He has become so wise. He tells me that you and that monster were both fighting for control. And I knew that you had won. You won.

"You know what Juuhachigou?" Goku continues, "I'll bet he's laughing right now. I'll bet he's laughing himself silly up there because you won too. He knows you love him." Do you my brother? Are you laughing Juunana? Yes. Yes. I know it. You wish me to be happy. And I will. Because if you're happy that I'm happy then there is no need for sadness between us. But my happiness will be postponed until my husband and daughter are once again in my arms. Now all we have to do is find those damn dragon balls.

_Over mountains_

_Over seas_

_Over valleys_

_Over trees_

_Across the desert I'll be there_

_On the whisper on the wind_

_On the smile of a new friend_

_Through wind and rain I'll be there_

_Don't be afraid_

_Oh my love_

_I'll be watching you from above_

_And I'd give all the world tonight_

_To be with you_

_And I'm on your side_

_and I still care_

_I may have died, but I've gone no where_

_Just think of me and I'll be there_

_Over wide open skies_

_Many miles I've flied_

_To be with you_

_Over Deserts over streams_

_Over oceans over seas_

_Through wind_

_Through rain_

_I'll always be there_

_Through any thing_

_Through everything_

_I'll be there_


End file.
